The Power of Fire
by matanee
Summary: Post JE - after a heart to heart with Pete, Rose decides she has to give the human Doctor a chance. She has to take what's hers. Maybe a little OOC. Reviews are loved!


"Knock-knock."

The sudden voice in the painful silence had made her shiver. Frightened, she was staring at the door where she only saw her father's head in the doorway, and a fake smile appeared on her face. She hoped he wouldn't notice any of the million thoughts that flooded her mind, although he was a really good observer. Everyone knew that.

He slowly pushed the door, so she could see a cup of tea in his hand, and her smile got warmer in a second. She really hasn't been used to this yet, but suddenly she didn't really mind his appearance anymore.

"Can I come in?" Pete asked carefully. She really liked it, she liked him - the way he behaved with her. Patiently, like a real father. He was uncomfortable at first, but two years passed since they moved into this flat together, so he had time to adjust to the new circumstances. He was gifted with a wife and a daughter after all, right from nowhere... Not like he wasn't grateful for them. It was the best thing that could ever happen to him probably - but it was unusual, and he had to accept everything as it was.

"Of course," she nodded, and slowly took a deep breath as she guided back her glance to the blank monitor of her computer. She didn't really remember why she turned it on at all, but the silent voice of the ventilators was relaxing. She could just close her eyes and pretend she was in the TARDIS - it had the same voice after all. And for that tiny second she felt strong again until the realization simply pushed her out of her daydreams.

The rays of the sunset served as offset to her beauty by breaking their way over the window behind her. She didn't really move. She was just sitting there, gazing right into nowhere, thoughts somewhere far away. She's been doing this for two days now, and a part of her felt terrible about it but the other side of her never wanted to go downstairs again. To face _him._ To face the truth.

Pete slowly put down the cup to her dresser, then sat down on his daughter's bed, never removing his eyes from her. She seemed so fragile now, like she could fall to smithereens anytime, and sometimes he couldn't understand it but then again, the reason was obvious.

The silence became painful once more and Pete didn't really know how to break it. What was the right thing to say in this situation? He didn't have to think for too long - his daughter ended the quiet between them.

"Where is he?" she asked with palpable uncertainty in her voice, and Pete quickly rose his head to look at her. She was looking at her toes now - her chin rested on her knees, fingers playing with a piece of string hanging from her trouser. A stranger would've thought she was only bored, but Pete knew better. He owned the father instinct already, and he knew very well what was she really asking. _'Is he alright?' 'Did he talk about me?' 'Does he feel lonely?' 'Does he want to see me?' _Oh, he knew _too_ well.

"In the garden with Jackie and Tony. Tony really likes him," he smiled gently, and a silent chuckle escaped his mouth. "Never wants to leave his lap."

She slowly smiled back, closing her eyes and letting hundreds of thoughts fill her mind. She could see him crystal clearly, sitting on the living room's couch with Tony in his arms or feeding him in the kitchen with Jackie. Sometimes she heard their voice from downstairs; sometimes she just imagined it instead. The part of her that wanted to see him so badly started to grew out of its rightful place to infest her whole body, but then again, the other part fought it back constantly. It was the fear that held her in its hand, and she didn't feel strong enough to step between them.

"Why don't you come down a little bit?" he asked with careful staidness in his voice, and waited until she opened her eyes to look at him. Finally. Thousands of emotions were hidden behind her beautiful hazel contoured irises, and when she didn't respond, Pete gave her an encouraging look. "I'm sure he would love to have a word with you."

"I'm sure he wouldn't," Rose shook her head wearily, and her sad smile gave her away immediately, if there was anything new to give away at all. "Everytime I close my eyes, I see him. I see him in the TARDIS, and... Then I just hear his voice and I want to be happy. I want to be glad he is here. But he's not _my_ Doctor, Pete. He is... Missing something."

"Then who is he, Rose? _Whose_ is he?" he asked quietly with endless patience in his voice, but he saw from the look in her eyes that she would never answer that question. Ever. It was too cruel to even ask it. "He looks like him, thinks like him, they share the same memories and he even feels the same way. The only difference is a heart. He doesn't like this situation either, but you have to understand him. You have to_ try._"

"What do you think my thoughts are spinning around constantly?" she asked on a sorrowful voice, close to sobbing and rose her head from her knees. "I'm trying _so_ hard not to compare them, but I just can't help myself. He changed my life, Pete, and I thought I changed his as well. But if he left me on that bloody beach again how could I suppose that I had any effect on him? And if this Doctor feels the same way than he, what should I expect? He could leave me, too. It drives me crazy, Pete..."

So far, she looked helpless. But now, she looked desperate too, and her watery eyes told Pete the rest of her mad thoughts. It really was a mad situation and although he wasn't on the beach two days ago, he could feel the pain of both Rose and the Doctor. Pete remembered him well, that's why it was especially hard to believe that the guy who jumped out of the taxi in the Heathtrow wasn't the real Doctor. He was a human, and seemed broken. Broken to his bones.

On that evening Jackie told him about everything. The genocide he had done, the choice of the Doctor leaving Rose with his human version, the heartbreakingly speechless trip to London... Jackie really tried her best to make them talk to each other, but it was hopeless. They were sitting next to each other, but more like two strangers than former lovers. A blind man could see how much Rose still loved the Doctor, but the situation was messed up indeed, and he didn't know what to do. It wasn't his fault, still, his confused face mirrored his feelings. He felt responsible for all of this, but Rose never looked at him so she couldn't know this. Jackie felt the urge to shout at them, but never did in the end. They had to make things alright on their own, to grow up to each other, to deal with their unique status. However, Pete couldn't just sit there and watch it anymore - they obviously needed help, and if his wife refused to give them the push, he would.

"Look, Rose," he started with a great sigh when he woke up from his thoughts, and catched his daughter's painful look, holding it still, being ready not to blink for minutes if it's necessary. "He was born from the hand of the Doctor. He has to deal with the memories and events of 900 years, and let's face it... Tony is a very clever little boy, but he's not the best company to help the Doctor carry his burdens."

Rose silently chuckled while her father just gave her a small smile and leaned closer to her. He really wanted her to understand, and when he noticed a tiny change in her eyes he knew he was on the right path. He saw the glimmer of hope and she definitely found sense in what he was saying.

"If you want him to be happy here... You have to give him a chance sooner or later," he added, almost whispering, and Rose seemed to be lost in his eyes for a moment. She was fighting her battles again, being keen to win that war finally. "I know it's hard, but give it a try, Rose. He is the Doctor you've been waiting for. I can grant that."

By now the look in Rose's eyes has totally changed, and it was more wondering than sorrowful. He didn't really know which part of his monologue made this change of heart, but he was really proud and slowly stood up with a warm smile. He didn't say a word just left the room silently and when the door closed behind him, Rose turned her eyes to that cup of tea on the dresser. The smile she made was absolutely honest this time - no insincerity.

The night had came fast then. She spent the afternoon in the bathroom - took a hot bath, just the way she loved it. Bubbles were flying everywhere in the room, like in the movies, and she felt immediately better. Pete's words came back to her again and again, and as she wrapped her hair in a soft, white towel and rummaged in her closet, searching for a decent dress to wear, every cell in her body was longing to finally go downstairs. Her father really knew how to convince people - his success wasn't a miracle anymore.

The clock showed her 9 P.M. by the time she finished with everything, which meant Jackie was probably getting Tony to bed, Pete was out with a few friends of his (a Saturday-night program, just like always), and her heart skipped a beat when the conclusion had formed in her mind. She was completely alone with the Doctor - she just had to find him.

Rose slowly took the stairs down to the hall, but only gloom filled the rooms, nothing else. Not a living soul. She furrowed her brows as her legs led her to the direction of the living room, and the closer she got the more sharply she could heard a really specific voice. Fire.

She carefully peeked into the room from behind the door-post, and when her glance fell upon the familiar shapes right in front of the fireplace, she felt her heart beating in her throat. _It was her Doctor. _For a split second she didn't doubt it, but then again, the painful realization hit her. It wasn't the real him, because the real Doctor is gone, travelling among wonderful stars and universes. He does the exact same thing that he always did. Without her.

She swallowed hard and stepped into the room without a sound. She didn't want him to notice her presence yet, so she just slowly cut the distance shorter between them until she could've touched him. Carefully, not to scare him, she cleared her throat and without a look at him she sat down next to him, staring into the fire.

"I didn't hear you coming," he said quickly, and she could hear out the confusion from his voice. They were sitting next to each other with a comfortable distance between them, but she felt like there was a whole abyss that seperated them. She didn't want to give up, though - she wanted to fight, just like her father told her. To give it a try. "I haven't seen you all day," he added gently and took a deep breath.

"Yea', I was kinda exhausted. We had a rough week, you know," she smiled at him, keeping her look at his chest. She didn't want to get swallowed by those mystical eyes, by the knowledge behind them. If someone really knew her then it was him, and she was afraid that one look would give her away too easily. And it couldn't be an option now, or ever, actually. "I heard Tony really likes you."

"Your brother is one brilliant little guy in developing. He's going to be a great mind one day, I tell you," he noted with a wide grin, and Rose couldn't help but laughed about it.

"You know this because you saw it in the future or you have a Time Lord instinct that tells you this?" she asked with a surprising amount of playfulness in her voice, and it was getting harder not too look directly at him.

"Well, I met a Tony Tyler once, he was a good writer. But I suppose it's my instinct that makes me think this, more likely," he nodded with a reflective expression, and Rose slowly guided her glance to the floor with a smile. That little part of her soul always reminded her that the guy next to him was not the real Doctor, and she just wanted to scream at herself and make that tiny voice shut up finally. She wanted to enjoy this moment, but it was harder than she or even Pete thought. Still, she couldn't give up. Not now.

"You really should've got a fireplace to the TARDIS," she tried to continue the conversation with a distant look, holding back a soft smile at the thought. "It's an amazing thing, you know."

"I used to have one but since the TARDIS is a police phone box, it would've been too conspicouos if it was smoking. Too bad," he made a face, and their silent laugh broke the silence of the living room.

She still didn't have the courage to look at him. She could feel his eyes on her, analysing her profile, her hair, her bare shoulders. Just the thought made her stomach tremble, but didn't give her enough strength to look at the other side of that ominous abyss.

"I've always wanted to have one, in the other world," she wondered, and didn't know where these words came from. Maybe from that famous desperation of her, or the blossoming trust she felt. "It just feels right. Sitting down to the carpet in front of it with some peanut butter and... Think. Think about everything, make choices. Like in the bathroom."

"Fireplaces are special," he nodded in agreement after a short giggle, and turned his attention to the fire as well. "Fire is an essential part of human life since the very beginning... Someone gave it a home with this invention. It's like an altar. Funny how these little things can be praised to higher levels. Humans are _fantastic_ indeed."

Without thinking twice, her gaze landed on him, and it only took a second for him to return the move and their eyes locked. Her heart skipped a beat by the sight, and she desperately tried to fight back that growing lump in her throat. The look in his eyes... All the secrets, all the loss and victory, the pain and relief, the and joy and the grief... They laid there, hidden in safety, existing only in his mind. It _was_ him, she just didn't want to believe it. She has been waiting for so long, and now when the person she's been dreaming about for months was sitting in front of her, she couldn't accept it. She wanted to have him so badly, but it was the exact reason why she didn't have the power to reach for it, to embrace it, to make it hers. Because she was afraid what would come next.

"You sound like _him_," she whispered so silently that for a second she believed the Doctor couldn't even hear it. "Why is it still so hard to accept he's gone?" she asked on a trembling voice, fighting with the urge of crying. Again.

"I guess it doesn't make it much easier, but... I understand you," he replied softly, and a teardrop just rolled down on her face by this one sentence. The way he talked to her... She could feel so much love, and it broke her heart even more. "I know what it is like to lose someone. I know what it is like to be left behind. And I know it's hard to accept that well, he is _me _actually, because he is out there somewhere too... But you don't have to rush things, you know. I promised you that one life of mine, and if it takes a year, five years of twenty, it will still be worth it."

She was sobbing hard right now, and her lungs were screaming for more air they couldn't get. It was _her_ Doctor. Only he could say these things, so selflessly, ready to sacrifice himself or his entire life for her at any minute.

She didn't want to stop herself now - she reached out for him, touching his face gently, like he could disappear immediately. Desperation had taken over her, and she was sure as hell she didn't want to lose him now. She lost him twice, she is not going to do that mistake again.

With one hand, he grabbed hers, caressing her fingertips carefully, while with the other hand he wiped away her tears. She could barely see anything besides his glowing eyes, and with growing need for comfort she leant closer, just to bury her face into his shirt. His scent narcotized her, making her want more of it, so she rose her head to lean into his neck and inhaled deeply, smiling against his skin. He pulled her closer without hesitating and wrapped his arms around her, protectively - it was the best thing that could happen to him in 900 years.

The Doctor had hugged her for many times, but not like this. She felt so much insistence in his grip like never before, and she was sure that it was the safest place in thousands of universes. For the both of them.

"Never leave me again, 'kay?" she whispered to his ear breathlessly, with one hand in his hair, and the embrace of his arms got tighter just a little bit.

"Never again, Rose Tyler. And this is a promise," he responded silently, and when she pulled back to look at him, the gentle smile on his face was priceless. She missed it so much, missed _him_, and she didn't even remember the last time she felt this peaceful. Rose returned the gesture that soon turned into a silent chuckle, and as soon as his forehead touched hers, they both closed their eyes, holding onto each other with need.

"_Quite right, too._"


End file.
